Insightful Musings on the Scripturesby
Ray Sparre, NU class of '67
Ray has a wealth of experience as a Husband, Father, Pastor, Missionary, and student of the Word. He believes and practices his faith where the rubber meets the road. You'll find his writings to be practical, insightful, and grounded in a truly Christ-centered world view.
Below are links to a printable daily Bible reading guide which Ray has followed, and an archive of all his daily devotional writings for 2010 and 2011.
| Sparre Home Page | Daily Reading Guide | 2011 Devotion Archives | 2010 Devotion Archives |
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18 December 2011
Proverbs 18
Focus: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22.
Hey—just a minute here—let’s be real! What if a man marries a woman who proves over time to be a self-centered obstinate competitive disrespectful unloving battle-axe? Is that good? Certainly not!
As is the case with many of the proverbs, the author is stating a general ideal—one that is reflecting the original design and intention of The Designer. Solomon is presuming that the man he features in this proverb finds a GOOD wife—one who is aware of the ideal—one who is doing her best to comply with the ideal—like the one described back in Proverbs 12:4—“A wife of noble character is her husband's crown.” Isn’t that nice? Do you hear the orchestra background? Wouldn’t it be nice if all wives were of “noble character?” Now listen to the second part of that verse—“but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” I have to believe that decay in his bones, as well as decay and destruction of the marriage ideal, ARE NOT GOOD!
In regards to the ideal, let’s be fair—the principle is equally valid in its application to both husbands and wives. So we can also say that “She who finds a husband of noble character, one who is serious about living up to his God-given role and function as a husband, she finds something very good, and is blessed with favor from the LORD.”
There is a good deal of debate within the church over views on marriage and divorce. I had better not get too carried away here. But I confess that my own views have been subjected to some major change over the years. I don’t fit well with the ideology that says, “Once married—always married” (Note: I see parallel flaws in the “Once saved—always saved” theology.)—that there is some kind of an unbreakable irrevocable supernatural bond in the marriage contract just because two people said “I do” to ideal promises inside a church, and then have the contract registered with the county courthouse. Besides becoming convinced that this is not the “ideal” of Biblical interpretation, I have beheld far too much pain, devastation, and hell flowing out of that rigid perspective. For those of this hard-line view, divorce becomes something akin to an unpardonable sin. There is a glaring discrepancy here as it is easy for us to understand a contractual agreement between two parties in every other area of life, but this one, in the eyes of many, is somehow different—it cannot be broken. Consider a contract between a home buyer and a lender—if either party defaults on their side of the agreement, is the agreement not headed toward dissolution? It would be absurd for a bank to say, “We changed our minds—we can’t allow you to string out payments for 20 more years—we need you to pay off the mortgage by the end of next week!” It would be equally absurd for a guy who signed the contract to pay for and maintain a home provided by the lender to not make payments and do no maintenance—and still think he can glean the benefits of the agreement and remain in the home. Since when can contracts not be broken?
Now don’t take me wrong—I don’t wish to be a promoter of divorce. But neither do I wish to see people hopelessly trapped and bound in an ugly broken dysfunctional destructive relationship where the other spouse is not willing to follow through with the terms of the agreement. My present view would make this recommendation regarding this critical issue: Before getting too focused on the Biblical grounds for divorce, get focused on the Biblical grounds for marriage. If both parties can and will do that, not just one, BOTH (remember?—this is a two-party contract), divorce is never an option. While it is absolutely true that GOD HATES DIVORCE—as it violates His original plans and intentions, it is also absolutely true that GOD LOVES MARRIAGE—He has designed us and wired us for fulfillment and completeness in that special relationship. Nevertheless, statistics would demonstrate that hard hearts keep botching up these beautiful agreements on a regular basis. (I have to say that Dr. Linfield Crowder has had some influence on shaping my view.)
“A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.” - Andre Maurois